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Monday, August 8, 2016

Now

My birthday was this past Saturday and I had a hard time enjoying it.

I was blessed with a  nasty summer cold that isn't going away anytime soon.

I cursed my luck and the fates and walked around gloomy and grumpy.

I put on a brave smile as we gathered for lunch, presents and cake.

Inside? "Gloom, despair, agony on me. Deep dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all...."

Everyone kept telling me they were so, so sorry I was sick on my birthday.

That's gotta suck John.

No kidding - only "kidding" wasn't the word I used.  

I limped home and collapsed, all the while bemoaning my fate. Sick on my birthday. Sigh.


I fight the present. I've always been dissatisfied with where I am at the moment

I always wanna be better, stronger, more intelligent. 

I want you to like me, to admire me. (It's okay to swoon also.)

I cannot fall behind. If I do I'll be forgotten

It's my greatest fear - to be pased by, forgotten left on the front porch. 

The last kid chosen

Time's a wastin'

Got get better, gotta compete. 

This was just another in a long line of things that were slowing me down and BTW my birthday? 

 I turned 63.

Tick tock, tick, tock

A cold!!! A freakin' cold. In August




It easy for me to calm and quiet my anxieties on an intellectual level, but emotionally  I'm standing there with a garden hose fighting a raging fire.

Whatever the present moment contains accept it
as if you had chosen it.

File that wisdom under "bitter pill to swallow."

I'm workin' on it.

I woke up today resigned to my current fate which beats the snot out of trying to run it out of town.

I'm workin' on it.

One day soon I'll just breathe deep and accept today as it is, with all of its possibilities. Just as it is.

God, I hope I have another 63 years left!